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How will this feedback improve your expository essay? what feedback did you choose not to include? explain your answers. Feed back received from my instructor: feed back received from peer is as follows: peer review checklist what is the main point of this essay? the main point of this essay is healthy eating habits. What is the greatest strength of this essay? i believe that the greatest strength of this essay is that it is well organized. Does the introduction grab your interest and make you want to read on? explain your answer. The introduction could not be better, in my opinion! the following sentence is great attention getter: once upon a time in america the obviously unfit, overweight were a rarity. It made me feel like i was about to start reading a fairy tale and i had to continue reading. What material does not seem to fit the main point of the essay or does not seem to be appropriate for the audience? i believe that this essay is good just the way it is.

What is your favorite part of this piece of writing? my favorite part of this piece of writing is they pointed out that breakfast is important. I read this essay many times, as i felt i got something out of it every time i read it. What other comments can you provide for the author? there are a few contractions that need to be changed. Overall, this essay is great and it held my attention and forced me to continue reading. Feedback received from axia writing resources web site wk 6 day 7 body paragraph introduction america has grown fat and lazy. Our young nation has arrived at its formative years when we know what we should be doing, but do otherwise nonetheless. We, like teenagers, want to be physically fit while maintaining our allegiance to the red headed clown and the over smiling king of fast food.

We want rest and relaxation as long as we can do it quickly and assign a catchy name to it such as ‘power nap’ or ‘mini vay kay’. However, none of those changes will be positive if we do not begin with helping over selves to change some personal habits. A cliché is a phrase that has been used so much that it has no specific meaning. It was an uncommon sight to see a fat person, let alone many fat people, just standing around everywhere. Colloquial language is informal phrasing that is used when speaking, but it is not acceptable in academic writing.

Housewives and mothers were forced by circumstances to join the workforce to make ends meet eliminate clichés for more effective writing. Convenient fast food restaurants provided a quick and easy alternative to the home cooked meal. Motorized scooter and skateboards allowed us to commute without taking any steps. Central air condition units made the outdoors as appealing as a day on the beach of a river in hell. Oreo's, snickers and potatoes chips replaced apples, bananas and celery as the snack of choice. We are made to feel less than adequate if we do not look like the size zero, stick figure on the cover of a magazine.