it seems that hugh gallagher wrote this for a national writing contest, and that an urban legend has since arisen that he wrote it as an actual application essay. 18 june 1998, update. Hugh gallagher emailed me ! , and said: i was happy to see my college essay on your site by the the way, i did send it to colleges . It's a coming of age tale about a guy with really messed up teeth, who goes travelling around the world instead of fixing his mouth. if it's told with anything like the style and wit of what follows, it should be great! 3a. Essay: in order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question: are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person? i am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.

I translate ethnic slurs for cuban refugees, i write award winning operas, i manage time efficiently. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, i can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and i cook thirty minute brownies in twenty minutes. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, i once single handedly defended a small village in the amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, i was scouted by the mets, i am the subject of numerous documentaries. Last summer i toured new jersey with a traveling centrifugal force demonstration. I once read paradise lost, moby dick, and david copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. While on vacation in canada, i successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.

I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I have won bullfights in san juan, cliff diving competitions in sri lanka, and spelling bees at the kremlin. I have played hamlet, i have performed open heart surgery, and i have spoken with elvis. My friends characterize our college admission essay hugh gallagher in your last summer i believe me.

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