Lynn o'shaughnessy moneywatch last updated jun 15, 2011 1 am edt a bland admission essay can put an overworked college rep to sleep. I attended a conference once where an administrator at yale university mentioned that 20 staffers at his ivy league school read 50 college admission essays a day, six days a week during the application season. And to get your college admissions essay off to the right start, begin with a captivating opening line. Want examples? here are samples from winning college essays courtesy of stanford university.

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These are opening lines of admissions essays that the stanford admission reps especially liked. You can find even more opening lines of sample admission essays in the stanford magazine. While traveling through the daily path of life, have you ever stumbled upon a hidden pocket of the universe? i have old hands. The spaghetti burbled and slushed around the pan, and as i stirred it, the noises it gave off began to sound increasingly like bodily functions. I stand on the riverbank surveying this rippled range like some riparian cowboy instead of chaps, i wear vinyl, thigh high waders and a lasso of measuring tape and twine is slung over my arm. An amazon bestseller, and she also writes her own college blog at the college solution. what's wrong with america's dream colleges? the best colleges you've never heard of 2011 cbs interactive inc.

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jacques steinberg on today

jacques steinberg, education correspondent for the times, appears on the today show to discuss what works in a college essay. In preparation for a segment on nbcs today show this morning, i reached out to the admissions offices at the university of virginia and occidental college in california for examples of essays that they considered memorable for good, or ill. Before i share some of these samples, a caveat one familiar to regular readers of this blog: while it can be instructive to read actual college admissions essays, trying to copy a particular approach or in some cases avoid it can be perilous. Thats because how one responds to an essay can be an intensely personal experience. That said, i would argue that there are some basic lessons to be gleaned from the following examples. Here, for instance, is an excerpt from an essay that was not especially well received at the university of virginia, in part because the writer misjudged the age and sensibility of his or her audience: john lennon’s song ‘imagine’ was sung by fox’s new show, glee.

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I heard it before when john lennon sang it: unfortunately i did not care much for it. When i watched this episode while the deaf adolescents were singing it, and soon joined by another glee club, it surprisingly affected me john lennon sang it like a professional, but what he did not have was the emotion behind the words. � another essay, also musical in focus, got a more appreciative read at u.v.a.: i strode in front of 400 frenzied eighth graders with my arm slung over my fender stratocaster guitar it actually belonged to my mother and launched into the first few chords of nirvana’s ‘lithium.’ my hair dangled so low over my face that i couldn’t see the crowd in front of me as i shouted ‘yeah, yeah’ in my squeaky teenage voice. I had almost forgotten that less than a year ago i had been a kid whose excitement came from waiting for the next history channel documentary.

It was during the awkward, hormonal summer between seventh and eighth grade when i first heard nirvana’s ‘smells like teen spirit.’ the song shocked my senses until that point my musical cosmos consisted mainly of my father’s beatles cds. I would argue that the admissions committee was able to relate a little more to this essay than the first. It also conveyed more about the writer and applicant a crucial quality in a college admissions essay. I turn, now, to excerpts from a recent essay that struck a visceral chord within the admissions office at occidental where, as an aside, president obama began his college career: my head throbbed as i closed my eyes and tried to convince myself to give up. I groaned as i moved over to my bed, collapsing in a pile of blankets and closing my eyes. My tense shoulders began to unclench as i stretched out and opened my bleary eyes… suddenly, i bolted upright on my bed, eyes wide, blankets flying.

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�i’ve got it! that’s it!’ i whooped, scribbling furiously, as my brother pounded on my wall for silence. What worked here? im told the admissions officers appreciated how the writer conveyed her love of words and in the process told them much about herself. As a writer, i admired the way she built a sense of mystery at the outset, one that served to draw the reader in.