Have you ever wondered what the admissions officers wrote when they were applying to colleges? it rsquo s easy for us to hand down tips, tricks, and advice, but i rsquo m ready to put some skin in the game. Six years later it rsquo s time to dust off my own college essay for the benefit of the blogosphere. Yes, you will now meet justin pike from high school with commentary from justin pike the admissions officer.

Like many of you, i wrote about 30 drafts of an intro paragraph that i thought would sum up my essay but also capture the reader rsquo s attention. For your reading pleasure, i submit my introduction: every distraction in the world above disappears below the waves. The silence and peace i find below the surface focuses me, motivates me, and has helped me become who i am today. Looking back, i can say with 100% certainty this was true but i couldn rsquo t have written this without some serious reflection. I went diving every weekend and loved the sport but only after lengthy discussions with my friends and family did i come up with silence as a theme in my life and my college essay.

As an admissions officer, i like that the first paragraph is direct, introduces a specific idea, and sets up a frame for the rest of the essay. When i showed this blog to my colleague meredith she added that it, ldquo gets right to the point and that is very you. I remember struggling over whether to continue my metaphors or transition into new ideas. Here is the resulting middle paragraph: i approach any task just as i would a scuba dive. I know what needs to be done, i plan accordingly, and stay flexible to deal with the unexpected. As captain of the football team and the robotics team, my teammates are my diving buddies and my responsibilities are clear. As an admissions officer, i would say the ldquo bones rdquo of this paragraph are good.

It transitions my passion into how it influenced me but it rsquo s a blunt metaphor maybe that rsquo s just my own self judgment sneaking in. The first line of my closing paragraph sounds the most like ldquo me rdquo now and i had to laugh. Looking back i wish i had tied these two sentences together but the most important part is that i can really hear my tone. I was heck, still am a fairly dispassionate writer but even i am not above tossing in some snark when i take issue with an idea. Still, i remember being frustrated with everyone giving generic advice like ldquo find your passion rdquo and, even in a college essay, i had to poke fun at it. Was this helpful? post comments/questions and i can chime in! today about four hundred thousands americans die annually because of the health problem due to smoking.

Essay on Nature And Wildlife

One and a half million people quit smoking a year, but more than fifty millions people keep on going. People who smoke for a significant period of time will have problems with breathing and will most likely be in poor health. One out of four deaths of people from thirty five to sixty four years old result from smoking. Based on scientific research, every cigarette takes five and a half minutes of life away from a smoker. American cancer society i see that there is a large amount of college students who are willing to light up a cigarette whenever they want to anywhere the college campus.

They are actually harming other students around by releasing the smoke from their cigarettes, which contains an extraordinary amount of toxin, into the air. According to an article from air purifiers, the smoke particles and chemicals in the air cause asthma attacks and allergic reactions to occur in many people. Also, for many years, there have been many organizations and governments that reported secondhand smoke is very harmful to nonsmokers. Each year, fifty three thousands people die from the effects of second hand smoke. The environmental protection agency reports that three thousands nonsmokers die each year from lung cancer obtained from being exposed to second hand smoke american heart . The american heart association says that thirty five thousands non smokers die each year with heart problems associated with secondhand smoke. In california, there is law that bans smoking in several public places but not all of them.

In addition, many college smokers are social smokers who only smoke more when they are around with their peers. Here we see that, smoking on campus not only causes health problem to nonsmokers but also creates an environment that force other smokers to smoke more. Therefore, there should be something to be done to reduce smoking on college campus. But if you go out and ask as many regular smokers as you can if they read the surgeon general warning smoking causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy, on the back of a pack of cigarettes, most of them will respond negatively.